The Capital E Chronicles
Whoa, this caught me off guard. You are running across my mind like lighting speed. I can’t tell what to make of it. I’m just letting it flow, not resisting. And I must say: wheeeeeeeeeeeew, what a trip my emotions are taking. The distance between the other and I is making easier for you to occupy space in my mind. Well, at least I’m single, lol. But I must say, you are making me rethink things. Hard. I like you. Seeking to get to know you is my next step. And I must say I’m digging the beats my heart’s making when the thought of you comes up.
.I am at a cross-road. Acting on what makes me happy is difficult due to the internalizations about doing what makes others happy or what’s acceptable to others eyes. Some type of cross-breeding happened throughout time. I am happy that I am in Grad school; obtaining a higher education. And at the same time I realize I am here by choice and not so much my choice. There’s this pressure, consciously but most of all subconsciously about the expectations that I should fulfill as a woman but more specifically as an African-American woman. I’m at a standstill. In school I am battling with revealing my voice within my work as well as at the same time incorporating other works as well as this whole citation crap. Who the fuck thought of all this shit??? I feel pressured. It doesn’t help that I have my own pressure that’s built up mentally. I’m constantly asking questions
Absolutely Beautiful.
Reflecting back to an art contest I won in middle school where my art was featured among other youth in Dudley Station, Roxbury, MA… when you are younger there are certain things you don’t think about. I’m loving the fact that looking at this art piece now make me feel so proud. I am a part of Dudley’s history and that makes me feel mighty proud of my community. Who knew I was be an “activist” at the age of 13. It’s true, if we all come together we can make a difference.
Today I shall definitely be outside to suck up the glorius rays of the sun. I look forward to sharing my smile.
Sometimes the best thing I can do is retreat. Leave behind everything just so that I’ll be able to have a moment of peace for myself. Sometimes that moment last longer than anticipated due to how much time I’ve already devoted to everyone else. Oh well… emotionally, I’m just like a Cancer— I’m a crab who can easily withdraw whenever I please. And no, I don’t have to ask for anyone’s fucking opinion. I’m coming back, slowly but surely.
It feels good to be in the process of freeing myself.
It feels good to be in the process of freeing myself.
I find myself in the middle of processing… thoughts, feelings, past experiences, current steps, me in the moment… I have recognized what has been preventing me from being me freely; Me. Self-confidence has been my missing ingredient. Not speaking up for myself has been another issue. What I have to say is important. If I don’t tell my story, who will? Alice Walker’s ‘In Search of Our Mothers’ Gardens’ is a life saver. Spoken Word is my gift and I can’t let another gift go to waste. This is a good year.
